Happy Sunday beautiful people! We’re here after Thanksgiving and we’ve survived.
I am grateful for all the blessings that found me this week.
Gratitude for this week
This week I was proud of myself because… I managed to exercise every day this week! Exercise is important because my medication makes me gain weight like crazy. Even with a diet change, I’ve been steadily gaining little by little each week. I have managed to slow down the gain with exercise each day, but some days are more difficult to go running/walk than others. I honestly don’t mind the weight I’ve gained too much, because I feel like I look fabulous. I feel like I finally look like a grown woman, and I love it!
My favorite part of this week… was roller skating. Oh my gosh, that was the most fun date I’ve ever been on. I kept cracking up watching little kids fall while waiting in line for skates, but then quickly realized I shouldn’t laugh because I wouldn’t be any different. Once I got the hang of being on skates again, it was a blast. I did have one spectacular fall though. A lady and her daughter drifted into my path, and there was no way to avoid them. We crashed and fell so hard that an employee came over and asked if we were okay. I was feeling that fall for a few days afterward. That shit hurt-ed-ed. We had too much fun though and ended up going to have wine afterward. I like this one a lot lol.
Something I accomplished this week… discovering who and how I am going to start coaching. I’m really excited for this new chapter of my life to unfold. First reason? I get to help others and make a real impact in their lives. Second reason? I’ve done something I thought I could never do. I’ve turned my pain into purpose. That realization is so freeing and inspiring that I can’t help but smile and jump for joy every time it washes over me again.
Let’s talk about last week’s affirmation: I love that I am real, rather than perfect.
This has come in handy so many times this week. I felt like this was such an important thing to remember and remind myself this week.
Let’s recount all the things I did this week. I released a bunch of journals, I did my first Black Friday special, and had my first holiday sales. I made a bunch of mistakes along the way and didn’t freak out or chastise myself. It was more like, “Whoops!” and then keep going. That is so different from the person that I was before. Before it would have been an all-out internal war degrading myself and telling myself how awful I am. Healing and progress are beautiful things.
Another thing I did that I probably shouldn’t have but live with it was drink too much. I’ll be honest, I’ve had my battles with self-medicating with alcohol when stressed or triggered. I’ll be real about it. And one glass too many happened on Thanksgiving from a combination of both. A weird trigger I have is to the Vincent van Gogh’s “Starry Night”. That painting was in my bedroom during a trauma, and I just lock up inside when I see it. I didn’t know that until being triggered once in the Museum of Modern Art in NYC when I was in tech school years ago. I blacked out that day trying to push down the grief and pain the painting brought up. It was not pretty. My mom’s trying to figure out how to decorate her home, was showing me all the artwork and photography she’s accumulated over the years, and surprisingly pulled out two Van Gogh paintings. Guess which one was one of the painting. I shuddered, started perspiring, and felt my throat tighten up. And all the feelings came back up. I kept my composure, but I drank too much that evening. Not to the point of black out, but it was definitely more than I needed to.
I’m not punishing myself for it like I would have before. My game plan is forgiving myself and planning how to best handle that in the future. More than likely, I’ll just ask her not to display that one and explain why without going into too many details. Again, even though I didn’t have a healthy response to my trigger, I forgave myself and moved forward. I feel positive about this reaction to realizing I didn’t make the best choice, but I did the best I could at the time. That’s progress, and that’s about as real as I can get.
I created this blog for honesty and acceptance, not only with and of myself, but so that others can see that it’s possible.
Anyway, that was my week! Let’s move on to this one.
My affirmation is “I am a diamond. It’s my time to shine.”
I’ve spent so much time boxing myself in and shrinking myself in my 31 years on this planet. This is the year that I stopped, and to be authentically myself and love who I am has been such an amazing and necessary experience. It feels like all that love that I’ve been wasting on the wrong people in just spilling out from the overflow of loving myself. Shining my light has brought so many wonderful and new people into my life and rid me of others that were holding me back and dragging me down.
I’m using this affirmation all throughout this week. My parents’ fear and shame based “tough love” is not going to affect me anymore. I’m not letting their self-doubt and fear stop me from achieving my dreams and being who I am. Being around them all weekend has been a challenge, because their idea of support is telling me all the things that are wrong with what I’m trying to accomplish. *face palm* But that’s not going to discourage me anymore. I’m going to change the world if I set my mind to it, much like any other goal I’ve set in the last year.
Don’t worry, I didn’t forget the journal prompts! I really hope these are helping you out!
When was the last time you were 100% authentically you? How did it feel?
Where can you go when you feel like you need to get back to who you are as a person without the world telling you what you’re supposed to want?
Text a few friends and ask them what they’ve learned from you. You’ll be surprised at some of the answers you get!
Anyway, I hope that everyone had safe and restful breaks for Thanksgiving. If the holidays are getting you down, check out this holiday survival post. Shine your light this week and every week.
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