This may seem like an odd subject, but it’s truly something I had to work on this past year. I was not accustomed to being happy. And not just any kind of happiness, but the happiness that comes from fulfilment from within. I didn’t know that was a thing. As you know, I’ve battled several mental illnesses over the years, and it’s felt exactly like that. Like there was a war that I had no say in going on inside my mind and body for years. When I looked at happy people, I assumed they were like me. Just smiling to hide the immense pain they felt on a nearly 24-hour constant loop. Even ...
strength
Take Pride in Your Accomplishments
I don’t know how many times I’ve been told to be humble in my life. Bragging wasn’t a good thing to do, and I wasn’t supposed to make others feel bad about what they couldn’t do.I’m taking this opportunity to say, “Screw that!” Be proud of yourself and tell yourself how awesome you are. Gas yourself up! Say this daily: I am proud of myself today, yesterday, and every day behind and ahead. Why I'm proud I’m proud of myself for getting back up after giving up. I’m proud of myself for rising up after sinking lower than I ever had. I take pride in the fact that after years of choosing ...
It’s been a year since my trauma
I wrote an open letter to my trauma anniversaries. I’ve done a lot of growing and inner work in the last year. Thankfully, I am a better and stronger person now. To my trauma anniversaries, Each month of every year, I am paralyzed by you. The anniversaries have stacked up quite a bit over the last thirty years. Every few weeks, a new anniversary creeps from its hiding place in my mind, down my central nervous system, and has life breathed into it again. Many times, I don’t know what it is that has me anxious, angry, and depressed until I look at a calendar. When I put two and two ...
My Step-by-Step Guide to Letting Go
One of the most difficult parts of dealing with a broken heart is letting go. When we start dating someone, we attach to them with our minds, bodies, and souls. Together, a couple creates memories, inside jokes, and make promises to each other. They build a little shelter-world together that protects from the outside world. Sharing space together and living together makes the bond and attachment even stronger with each passing day. But disagreements, conflict, and betrayal cause breakups. Sometimes it’s nothing but paths heading separate directions that causes a split. When a couple goes ...
What Love Looks Like to Me Now
I used to think I knew what love looked like. My idea of love was a mixture of rom-coms, romance novels, country and old-school R&B songs, and some really toxic ideas. I thought that love meant that I was supposed to give every part of myself to my significant other. Love was supposed to be a perfect all-consuming emotion. I was supposed to accept everything that my partner did or didn’t do. I was not supposed to complain or ask for respect and have boundaries. I was supposed to make excuses for them if they got violent. I was supposed to build up the man I was with and do everything ...
I am taking a hiatus from blogging.
"The world tests those who are going to contribute the greatest gifts." A kind stranger on the internet said this to me when my whole world was imploding this past week. The words touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I am taking a hiatus from blogging, because well... I have been going through it this week. It's just been a rough few days. Actually I don’t want to sugarcoat it. It's been a rough couple of months. The most recent problem solved itself with the help of many kind strangers reaching out, and a therapist that was determined to help me reduce my stress level. Even ...
